1st day back

As badly as I want to post some of my New Years pics and winter break pics and a recap of 2011 - that will wait. Today my heart is heavy. Today was tough.

On New Years day at 3am in the morning the city of Austin and my school lost an amazing girl. She was murdered after coming home from celebrating New Year Eve. I didn't know her well enough to hang out on weekends or have her phone number, but I knew she was cool... the coolest of cool. She was the definition of Austin - funky, musical, laid back, ... awesome. And someone stole her life at 29 years old. To make it worse... he is still out there - and it scares the shit out of me, along with a lot of my friends here. Some have their parents coming to stay with them until they feel safe again, others have opted to bunk up together rather than stay alone until they feel safe. But... will we ever really feel safe? It is always a fear of mine to be home alone - but now... knowing someone who was murdered while being home alone makes me even more scared for my life. I came home to Austin on January 2 and slept with all of my lights on, my landline phone by my bed, and my glasses on. I thought out my plan of what I would do to escape. I thought about so much. Ultimately my decision is made - I plan to take a gun safety course and keep a gun in my apartment. Many people are against this but from what everyone says .... I have to do what makes me feel safe. That will make me feel safe. I'm small... like Esme was. I'm home alone a lot... like Esme.

A lot of emotions came back for me today. The process of grief will set in but for me it's a different process... it reliving the death of my dad. The disbelief, the anger, seeing someone who think is them but them remembering it's not. But also with that grief comes questioning - with my dad it was why did he have heart disease and we didn't know, why couldn't I have been home and not at work. etc. But with Esme it's so different... why did he pick her? how did he know she'd be home? The list goes on.

As our campus grieves I ask for your thoughts and prayers to be with her family as they struggle and overcome this time. Esme was the coolest.... everyone knows that will never change. Below is an awesome sticker that a co-workers brother designed for us. Pretty cool for sure.