and so it begins....

Our first day has come and gone - the anticipation was built up, the fear of what the year would bring, my overwhelmed feelings, my stressed out feelings, my denial feelings, yep - come and gone.  It's official - the year has kicked off to a great start!  But, I must admit, it came with much trepidation, support, and searching.

I'm not going to say that I have become over night religious that's for sure.  I've always had a soft spot for going to church and walking out feeling like a new person - ready to smile, take on the world, and 'give it to God and stop stressing about it' as one of my old friends used to say.  But, I never understood that last quote until this past weekend.

I've known since last year that I would have a class that would require more than academics, but I don't think it was what I had anticipated.  I thought it would be like my kids I've had in the past - but my thoughts were wrong.  Too many kids, not enough support - ain't that the truth?

But, after a few meltdowns, a few 'I can't do this', a few 'I'm not going to be able to do my best' I was snapped back into the reality.  Derrick really took charge and reminded me of some important things.  Like that whatever I set out to do, I always accomplish it 125%.  He also treated me to a special surprise - Vera Bradley lunch box of course! - a special dinner, and constant support.  Other friends reminded me that not all kids are ready for academic learning, they may need to just start with routines and social skills.

And then my epiphany came on Saturday night.  As I was lying in bed, trying to figure out how to take this off my mind I remembered what an old friends said, 'give it to God, he'll take care of it'.  And that I did.  Why should I stress out - it was out of my control.  God, or whoever you want to think, put these children in my classroom for a reason.  A reason that I may not know why yet, but they were put in there knowing I could handle it, I could support them, I could love them, and I could teach them... something.  Maybe not what I'm used to teaching them, but something.  And I 'gave it to God' to handle.  And wow could I feel the weight lifted off my shoulders.  It felt amazing.  I was no longer stressed - I was feeling at ease. 

I went to church on Sunday and they said a special prayer for educators, it spoke to me.  I came home, relaxed, and enjoyed my last night off. 

Today, I entered the classroom ready to face this battle.  And I came out winning:) It was  tiresome, tedious, exhausting, but what 1st day isn't?  It felt great to be back!  I end with a quote a friend had posted, or I should say a prayer, which also made me feel better and reminded me of the other reasons I am doing this profession - it's not to make genius's, it to make children feel proud of themselves.

Lord, let me be just what they need. If they need someone to trust, let me be trustworthy. If they need sympathy, let me sympathize. If they need love, (and they do need love), let me love in full measure. Let me not anger easily, Lord, but let me be just. Let my justice to be tempered in your mercy. When I stand before them, Lord, let me look strong & good & honest & loving and let me be as stron

g & good & honest & loving as I look to them. Help me to counsel the anxious, crack the covering of the shy and temper the rambunctious with a gentle attitude. Permit me to teach only the truth. Help me to inspire them so that learning will not cease at the classroom door. Let the lessons they learn make their lives fruitful and happy. And, Lord, let me bring them to You. Teach them through me to love You. Finally, permit me to learn the lessons they teach. 

 

So, remember educators and all of you out there - if you feel the burden, just know, someone -whether it be God or someone else - believed you could handle what you were given...